should / by Hope Amico

My dad, in a sweet way, doesn't quite get what I am talking about most of the time but tries to say something supportive. When I tell him I was teaching a lot, he says, "at least you are staying in shape!" Of course, I do not practice when I teach and my practice isn't really about staying in shape. As a teacher, I like to attend other classes but my home practice has been my foundation, a constant of the past 2 years.

Most of the time practice is the thing I do when I wake up. But sometimes schedules change or I get sick or sometimes I don't feel motivated and I tell myself I will go to class and when I don't go I feel bad. Like I should've gone. Like I should practice more.

Stepping away from the idea of what I should so and allowing my practice to be a tool for how I approach the rest of my day is key. Sometimes I need to sit. Sometimes I want to be around others. Sometimes I need to move. It isn't always easy teasing out what I need from what I think I need. I have struggled with depression and internalized capitalism that says I need to keep doing stuff, making stuff or something is wrong with me.

And then some days I am able to let the feelings settle, and find a way to move my body and clear my mind. 

Today it was because of music a friend shared with me. So I will share it with you. I usually prefer quiet or low drone when I practice but today I wanted warmth and light.  It isnt a steady pace for a sequence but it is a good listen and the opposite of what I thought I needed.

"nothing is impossible/love is the only way."